Worth It In the End
by Jaina Sanri
Summary: Jack listens to a CD from Sam. SJ 1-shot fic!


_I will be the answer  
At the end of the line  
I will be there for you  
Why take the time_

_  
In the burning of uncertainty  
I will be your solid ground  
I will hold the balance  
If you can't look down  
  
If it takes my whole life  
I won't break, I won't bend  
It will all be worth it  
Worth it in the end_

_  
Because I can only tell you that I know  
That I need you in my life  
When the stars have all gone out  
You'll still be burning so bright  
  
Cast me gently  
Into morning  
For the night has been unkind  
  
_

_Take me to a  
Place so holy  
That I can wash this from my mind  
And break choosing not to fight_

_If it takes my whole life  
I won't break, I won't bend  
It will all be worth it  
Worth it in the end_

_-Sarah McLachlan "Answer"_

The words washed over his ears as Colonel Jack O'Neill listened to the one track CD that had been playing in his home for over twenty-four hours now. The CD had arrived in the mail, a plain package with almost no clue as to who had sent it but the card that had been left in the CD.

_"To Sir, hope this helps your melting back into life." _It was signitureless and on a plain piece of printed paper but it was clear who had written it. No one else but she would've written "Sir" as the addressee. Non-traceable but just as clear to Jack as if it had been in her own writing and signed with her distinct signature.

The words were full of meaning and promise. The first verse alone he could listen to on a loop if he could make the CD player do it correctly. The words were soft and the music soothing. _I will be the answer. _Oh was she the answer. Her enthusiasm and tolerance- no not tolerance, her embracing of his sarcastic humor had brought him out of his deep depression following the loss of his son.

_  
At the end of the line. _When he couldn't trust anyone else he knew she'd be there. When everything was falling apart he could turn to her to be there for him. _I will be there for you. _He knew she would be. She was always there when he needed some scientific babble to try and understand rather than think about difficult times past. _Why take the time. _She didn't need to tell him how she felt. He just knew. He knew that she cared for him just as much as he cared for her.

The second verse lingered in his mind. The words that held so much significance in their daily lives touched him deeply. _In the burning of uncertainty. _Their lives were full of uncertainty. At any moment things could change for better or worse in their fight against the Goul'd in defense of Earth. They had played with their lives so many times the in the past he couldn't even count them anymore.

_  
I will be your solid ground. _Through everything they had gone through, as a team and just the two of them alone, she had been his rock; his place of security that things could be okay. _I will hold the balance. _She had balanced him from the moment they met. Her fiery passion had starkly contrasted his cynical humor but had soon meshed into a companionship that had only strengthened over the past eight years. _If you can't look down. _She had always bothered to take the time to explain things as best she could to me. All of her doohickeys and her experiments even though she knew I wouldn't understand most of it. She always bothered to make sure I was covered and filled in all my spaces. _  
  
_

The third verse started with the humming of the artist. It added a urethral quality to the song but also drew attention to the verse. It was fitting as it meant the most to him. _If it takes my whole life. _That one phrase meant the world to him. It was a promise of forever. Even if in their present positions their feelings could never be known, she would wait for him. It gave him hope to listen to it.

_  
I won't break, I won't bend. _She wouldn't waver. He had never known her to give into anything she didn't want to and it was a comfort to know she wouldn't give up on them. _It will all be worth it. _It would. If at the end of this whole mess of their lives they could work out a relationship it would be worth it. _Worth it in the end. _He longed to wake up in the morning with her in his arms. He longed to see her face as the first thing he saw every morning and the last thing before falling asleep. It would be worth it. No matter how many years it took it would be worth it.

The fourth verse added a bit of drums in the background; an added passion to the song. It was the middle point, the point where their relationship seemed to lay caught between so many points: romantic, friendship, professional… _Because I can only tell you that I know that I need you in my life. _The sentence spoke for itself. She needed, wanted him in her life. She wanted to share her life with him. The mere thought made him smile; made his spirits lift. _  
  
_

_When the stars have all gone out. _People died at the SGC all the time. Janet in particular was the most recent. It was a loss that hit all of the personnel at the SGC hard, but particularly her. Janet was one of her best friends and the only other high ranking female on the base. _You'll still be burning so bright. _I was almost killed that day. I almost left her. I remember the hug she gave me that day in the infirmary after we were sure I was going to be alright. It was a hug full of meaning; a meaning which this song embodied.

The fourth verse calmed down again as the artist sung the words slowly and deliberately. Her words flowed with the music as he sunk farther into his couch. He closed his eyes and pictured her: her golden hair and bright blue eyes. He imagined her in her lab with a smile on her face when he started to play with something dangerous.

_Cast me gently into morning, for the night has been unkind. _They had been through so much before. So much pain and loss. Tomorrow always held an importance to the people working at the SGC and to SG-1 in particular. It was a time when the goul'd could be defeated. If they were defeated Teal'c could go home to his people, Daniel could publish his work and settle down with someone without the fear of them getting taken over by the goul'd. But most of all, if the Goul'd were defeated he could retire, and that meant so many good things for the two of them. She trusted him to get them through to morning every day; into tomorrow.

It was amazing how she could pick a song that meant so much to the pair of them. Each verse was important and each word spoke to him. For two people who had a very hard time expressing their feelings, this was the perfect way. We couldn't articulate our feelings in writing; we had a hard time speaking them and we certainly couldn't show them. A song was simply wonderful.

_Take me to a place so holy that I can wash this from my mind. _Through their journeys they had seen so many horrors. It got to anyone in the same way all combat did. The fact that they had to keep it a secret made it all the more difficult. They all wanted to go somewhere after the war and relax. _And break choosing not to fight. _To be anywhere without the threat of the world on your head was what they all wanted. She wanted to go there with me.

_If it takes my whole life  
I won't break, I won't bend  
It will all be worth it  
Worth it in the end_

She would wait for me. I smiled at the thought and listened to the song repeat itself again.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

-JainaSanri-


End file.
